Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Gilf of all Gilfs

Today, as I was knee-boarding the inter-web on the book of faces, I saw that many of my friends have been rating their five favorite things of many different categories.  Some of the interesting categories I saw were favorite movies, best book, most frightening cereal cartoon, and the best football player, (but this was written in Spanish, so I'm guessing it was either meant to be translated as the best Soccer player of all time or the Weeble Wobble with the sexiest feet.  The world may never know...)

Anyway, all of this led me to a horribly difficult question, who is the ultimate GILF (Grandmother I'd Love Forever) of all GILF's (Grandmothers I'ds Loves Forevers?)  After many minutes of intense, steamy thought, I reached two semi-finalists in the quest for the most lovable grandmother, Betty White or Florence Henderson.  And suddenly, my day was made quite difficult.

In one corner of the ring, we have a sweet, innocent, and sometimes rather silly woman who charmed oodles of young grandchildren on the hit television series, "The Golden Girls."  As many times as I watched her cute and innocent character episode after episode, I couldn't help but wonder what she had hiding under those dresses of hers.  (Whoops, I guess I've let the cat out of the bag, and I know it might be wrong and perverted, (Dear Father, who art in heaven, please forgive me for this, oh yeah, and for turning the soup cans upside down in the supermarket today.  I promise it will never happen again, and I really do mean it this time.  I promise.) but I always knew in my heart that she had to have the legs of an Athenian messenger, or maybe even an Ethiopian Princess named Asnaku!)  Thus, competitor number one.

However, in the other corner of the ring, we have the Wonder-Mom of the most popular incest family to ever hit prime time.  (Don't feel bad about it Greg. Lets face it, who didn't like Marsha.  I always thought she was rather dashing myself.)  With the perfect family, an entertaining, but strangely non-hispanic house keeper, and a fierce hatred of the 'b-word,' (B - U - double palm trees,) who could resist the captivation of miss Florence Henderson.

I must say that both ladies are strong and caring elderly women.  This will truly be a difficult decision, but because I hate confrontation, not to be confused with constellations, which I LOVE!!!, I've decided upon the perfect way to settle the issue.  Whichever GILF of all GILF's candidate sends me a plate of cookies first will forever be etched in my heart as the eternal winner... but please, Florence and Betty, don't use peanuts.  I'm allergic.

Until next time,


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